Mea Culpa

I have mentioned that I had an injury that ended my career as a cyclist and it is all about my torn labrum hip injury that did not heal properly because I was so hard-headed back then. I have always pushed myself to the limit, even when I felt that something was wrong with my body. I really tried to endure the pain as I have a good tolerance for it. Going back, it was really stupid and stubborn of me to ignore the doctor’s advices about anterior hip precautions like to rest it for a few months and let it heal properly to help me regain my old form, but I never listened. I rarely do as I learned something in a worst way possible that caused my cycling career to cease along the line.

At first, it was hard to accept defeat because I am really competitive in nature. I have grown and learned to always fend for myself and do things my way. I was depressed for a couple of months. All of my friends including my dad was worried that I might do something crazy to myself as I have always locked myself inside my darkened room. I rarely eat back then. Imagine that I used to be 190lbs of pure, lean muscle and my weight came down drastically for 150lbs in just a couple of months. My dad tried talking to me, but I did not budge because I thought that he did not know what I was going through back then and I was wrong.

A number of my friends also came by to help me deal with my pain, anger and regrets, but they did not made sense to me. All I knew back then was anger, regret, remorse and I wasn’t planning to hear their cliché types of advises that everything will be alright, that everything happens for a reason and I hate all of their tones because I knew, deep inside, that they didn’t know what I was going through.

One night, it was around 11pm, I came out of my room to get some water in the fridge, I saw and heard my dad crying in the porch, and he was talking to someone on the phone. I eavesdropped and heard that he was concerned with my well-being. He told someone that it hurts him that he was not capable of helping me, but in fact, it should be him that could help me because all his life, he too battled with his faults and he became all right in time. I sneaked back into my room and realized that my dad had a point. Somehow, it was his fault that his marriage with my mom became abrupt and ended up in a messy divorce. I have spent a number of hours thinking about my dad’s situation, comparing it with mine and it made sense. He really knew what he was talking about when he talked to me. He knew how to rise above his faults, accept defeat and move on.

The next morning, I woke up early and made breakfast for my dad and he was surprised. I talked to him openly about my current condition and I asked him to help me because he knows what I am going through.